Thursday, October 27, 2011

TRAUMA MAMA

Trauma Mama. 

At first this nomenclature struck me as odd.  But I understand it now. 

Why would you identify yourself with this most difficult part of your life? 

Because you want to find others like yourself.....people who will understand, not judge, know the "lingo".  (Funny that most of you - certainly you beloved friends who commented so supportively on my last post - could identify "Dan Hughes" or "Heather Forbes" or "Nancy Thomas" - while the psychiatrist looked at me blankly.)  We are specialists, with our area of expertise, and we can and need to communicate with one another about issues that no one around us can understand.  Especially because it is those issues that seem to sometimes cut us off from others.

But, why would you be flip about something that threatens not only the soul and future of a person you love, but everyone in your family, the family unit itself, your financial stability, your relationships, your worklife, even your marriage and your sanity?  Because laughter and lightness is what keeps you going, that's why!  If I couldn't distance myself enough to see the funny side of all of this, to be a tiny bit disrespectful of it all -  I might go crazy. In truth.  Or do something rash.

I'm with Heather Forbes, "Love Never Fails" - but I think it needs the able assistance of humor.  Here's a thesis or dissertation topic for someone --  "Correlation Between Parental Sense of Humor on the Rate of Adoption Disruption Among Attachment Disordered Children".

But, along with humor I think you have to have a circle of people who understand.  Thank heaven, thank heaven for you. 

A little update:

As things have gotten worse and worse with Miss A. I got more and more determined to get some improvement going.  It finally came to my attention that Anastasia will not talk to men.  Hence the failures with Billy Kaplan, brilliant Chicago therapist, and Kurt Ellis, gifted attachment therapist in Grand Rapids.  Both were amazing, and both helped me, but she wouldn't give them the time of day.  So Kurt suggested the Attachment Coalition in Livonia.  All women.  Wonders have not ceased since I called them.  The one who specializes in teens just got a couple of openings.  Craig and I go see her tomorrow.  And she agreed that it sounded as though Anastasia needed some medication and she recommended a female psychiatrist.  Remember the months I waited before being able to see the last psychiatrist?  Well, this one had a cancellation today.  It took some physical restraints and intercession of the Saints, but we did get her in the car and to this woman, and though she promised she wouldn't talk, she did talk. 

We have a diagnosis - PTSD - and we have meds, the prescription being filled at the pharmacy even as I write this.  So, I am feeling optimistic. 

Granted, the finances have taken quite a hit, since our stellar insurance plan does not cover mental health, but barely (only a psychiatrist and then only 50%).  But, it's worth it!  I've already tried the dried bean approach to meal planning.  It is not going all that well, in fact even I am having some gastrointestinal issues, but I am sure we'll get used to it.  And the entire family will benefit from improvement in its most troubled member.  As Anastasia herself put it so aptly, "If I'm not happy, nobody's happy."  Too true.

14 comments:

Mike and Christie said...

Annie, when I saw your blog at the top of my list on my side bar, I was excited to stop over.... so wanting you to be encouraged! YEA! What good news that the waters have parted abit and you have a diagnosis and plan. What a great idea to have a woman talk with her. That makes so much sense.
I had to laugh about the beans, as we are all making music over here after a, well, "beany" sort of lunch. Wow! I hope this passes soon! :)
And you are so right about a good healthy mix of love and humor. Humor keeps us from taking things too seriously, even if they are serious. Humor has gotten me through so many things.
I have to tell you this story. A LONG time ago, my mom and law and I snuck of to see "Terms of Endearment"... It was supposed to be a tear jerker. Both of us were going through so much at the time, that we laughed and laughed DURING THE MOVIE and couldn't stop, when my mother in law said something like, "That is it?" I honestly couldn't stop snickering and we never actually saw the movie for real, because we were too busy laughing about our situations. Her duaghter in a psych unit and grandson not doing well, her son not doing well, (I was married to him and I wasn't doing well either) It was one of those times that humor definitely helped....

Humor helped get me through my son in a body cast for months as a single mom of 4 boys. It helped me laugh when our 5 year old insisted on bringing his toy box to the mall because he was so afraid somebody would take his things, after we lost everything. It is what has gotten us through rough patches in finances, and in general life and it is something I used last week when I raised my voice and said, "darn it! I love you!" and then laughed and said, "Now that worked didn't it?" :)

Life is trauma.... anybody that says different is selling something. :)

Cléo said...

I guess we'll keep praying : ) (Dried) Chickpeas might be a better idea than beans. They're very nutricious too.

Mike and Christie said...

Annie, do you have a pressure cooker? You can cook dried beans really fast and make delicious soups.

kate said...

I'm a big fan of lentils and rice. ;>

Hooray, hooray, hooray!

Lisa said...

Hoo Ray!!!!!! Awesome news, Annie!

schnitzelbank said...

Long story short, I was born and raised in Livonia. I had no idea such a resource existed. Have a good trip! If you like hamburgers, stop by "Bates" at Five Mile and Farmington, sit on the stools and watch the cars go by. It's just a few minutes from where you're going. :)

Tina in CT said...

A light through the darkness!

thisjourneyofmylife said...

I'm so glad Anastasia talked to the therapist. Let's hope the medicine will be effective. It sure does sound hopeful!

The Combes Family said...

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!

MyGirlElena said...

You should see improvement with meds. It's a shame insurance companies don't recognize mental illness as a disease. Just because one can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there and causing havoc in the patient's and patient's family's life.

Elizabeth said...

You have the most enticing titles!

Glad you hear you had a little "breakthrough."

I'm sure there are tons of frugal cooking ideas online, although it's hard when you have growing teenagers. I'm always inspired by Russian families who seem to make delicious meals out of the simplest ingredients! Hang in there!

Annie said...

Elizabeth - pass on those Russian meal ideas! Just what I need!

Hevel said...

Without humour parenting is impossible, be it adopted or bio kids...

I am so happy that you finally got the help you need for A. I hope she will have an opportulity to progress and get better. Living with PTSD and RAD is not only difficult for the family, but for the child/young adult as well.

MamaPoRuski said...

Congratulations! I coupon to get my free stuff and stick to my budget. There are nights J and I hate going to the store to get the deals at 10PM, but when we come home with 5 free boxes of cereal, toothpaste or other we know we are doing well. Still praying for other means to bless you!
HUGS!