Sometimes you just can't make a good decision. This past week I made one of two possible bad ones.
Lydia, for some very good reasons, decided to move home - and not in a few weeks - NOW.The apartment where she was living - or, more precisely, the roommate she was living with were not salutary. In fact, just a week or two ago, we had a 2 a.m. call when she awoke to discover a drunken stranger sitting on her bed. Her army training (and general aggressive approach) kicked in and I'm sure he was glad to just get out of there. In any case, she had some good reasons to move.
However....in past months, when she idly wondered if she could move home, of course I said "certainly!". Isn't home the place where if you show up they have to take you in? And, when she said she wanted her old room, of course I said OK. Not thinking, not really believing she'd end up moving in, to tell the truth.
But - suddenly - here she is. And she wants her "old room". Well, our house is not big. We have an old "foursquare" and Lydia had for the last year of her time here, had the attic room. For most of her childhood, it had been the TV room, and then for a few years Aidan's room. Really, it was only "her room" for a brief period of time. However...that's the room she wanted.
In the past year, however, Sergei had moved up there. And in the past month, he and Ilya had joined forces...a pairing that was working extremely well. I think it was good for Ilya not to be alone and he really loved his room. Ilya is a tidy housekeeper, and took great care to make sure both beds were made every day (while Sergei's chore was to take care of dirty clothes and trash). It was working beautifully. They had taken the doors off one of the closets and created an entertainment center. It was really well done.
Now, Lydia is coming home, so we told them, they'd need to move downstairs....into Anastasia's room (which she'd only been in amonth since Ilya moved up). Anastasia moved back into the cranny in our room. I am really kicking myself now. How could I be so oblivious??? I made those boys move all their stuff downstairs. Then when Lydia got home and went upstairs she was cross that it wasn't spotless - and yelled at them until they cleaned it. I probably would have put a stop to that, but I wasn't home.
Ilya responded to her approach by punching a couple of holes in the wall (what you'd call this wall, I'm not sure....a very thin sort of plaster board from the 1920's). Not a nice wall. Still....
It was late in the day that they moved down, and only after more very bad behavior on Ilya's part, when I finally realized what a dreadful thing I'd done to that boy. To both of them, really - but particularly to Ilya. To kick him out of the first place that he'd ever had to call his own. The first little place he'd ever been able to take pride in. It makes me ill to think of it.
But - when I suggested this to Lydia, almost hoping she'd offer to give them their room back, she responded in tears. So now her home wasn't even her home anymore! Did "the Russians" have to take everything - her mommy and now her room, too???? I am thinking: she is 21. She ought to have the good sense to realize that she is over-dramatizing everything. But, I guess I can't tell her how she should feel. I can only try to understand how she does feel.
I really am in dismay. What should I have done?