Thursday, May 22, 2008

POTENTIAL


Mind you - he was ahead of the rest of the runners here!

My husband asked me this morning why I wanted to "stick with this kid". Well, (apart from my odd ability to only keep in mind the good things about him) this is the answer:

He is talented. He has potential. Not just as an athlete - though surely there. He is smart, too, and perceptive (about everyone except himself). He has a sense of humor. He can be thoughtful. However difficult it may be, God placed him in our home.

And: I don't want my other children to think that the people God puts in your life can be abandoned or discarded when they become difficult.

Sometimes I pray that the "right" family will show up for him. Especially now when there is the "summer program" coming up. I think my husband might agree to hosting a little girl, if we didn't have Maxim. But we do have Maxim.

This photo was taken yesterday at the track meet. I was not planning on going to the meet. 1) Anastasia had volleyball, 2) Sergei had Athletic Awards, 3) the meet was in a far-flung town and I am trying to save on gas. 4) Zhen was at a friend's house so I was already having to drive out of my way in another direction to pick him up, and at about the same time.

But, Maxim called me from the meet and begged me to come. Begged. I was giving him all the reasons, as above, when he started pleading, "I want you to come. I want to show you how fast I can run. I'm going to run my best today. Please! I'm standing out here almost crying! Come, Mrs. Kitching. Come!" All right. All right. I'll come. Calm down. And it is not like I haven't seen him run! I've been a quite a few of the meets.

Then I had to pay $5 to get into the meet (and sit freezing on metal bleachers, in a cold, damp wind) to watch him run his last race.

But, for some reason it was important to him. This is all one big mystery. I just continue doing the best I can.

15 comments:

ourboysourlives said...

Doing your best is all anyone can ask of you..keep strong

Christine said...

Don't you wish we all knew God's plan?

crispy said...

Annie, your hope beyond despair is just what I needed to hear today. Again you have encouraged me.

Continue to hope for the best.

The Combes Family said...

What a testament to your unselfishness and love for that boy! I admire your faithfulness to him.

MamaPoRuski said...

I know it is hard, although I can't fathom the level of love you are practicin-I suppose it's because only YOU could do so for him! God hasn't given up on him. I hope that if we face the same situation with our next girl we will have the strength to do the same!

Salzwedel Family said...

I believe with all my heart this situation will bear good fruit. Keep the faith as you press on.

Wife to the Rockstar said...

Annie... you are witness to so many. This is how Jesus loves. Even in our retchedness he loves us.

Salzwedel Family said...

Annie ~

I got this in my e-mail this morning & had to share with you.

Stephanie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Learning What Love Is
by Barbara Rainey

In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us.
1 John 4:10, NIV

I have learned more about God's love through our adopted daughter, Deborah, than from any other person on the planet. Although our five biological children certainly tested and tried us, Deborah tested our love more than all five of the others combined. Dennis and I faced countless opportunities just to walk away and say, "Look, this is too hard. We're not going to do this anymore." But we chose--over and over again--to love her, because we knew we did. And we knew God wanted us to.

I wrote in my journal:
If Deborah were not mine, if she were not my child, would I love her? If I just passed her on the street, like I do countless other people each day, what would draw me to her? What would make me love her out of all the other people I see? She could be just another human being in my path, but she's not. God has made her ours somehow. And I have discovered a kind of love for Deborah that is unlike my love for any of our other five children. I have discovered a taste of God's unfathomable, undeserved, unexplainable, extravagant love--a supernatural love defined by His grace.

Because of Deborah, I know God in a way I could never have known Him otherwise. He has called me to lengths and depths of love I didn't know I was capable of but which I learned He can supply, because He is love. I don't love Deborah more than our other five children, but I do love her in a different way, and I know more love for my other kids than I would have ever known without her.

Anyone can love a child who is theirs by birth. But to love one who is adopted--this is to know the love of God.

MyGirlElena said...

I guess moments like that (having a mom watch him run his last race) is why you do it. I commend you for your unselfishness. God chose you for a reason, even though it seems that sometimes you can't take it anymore, God knows what He's doing.
You are doing an amazing job with this boy's life!

Rachael said...

It strikes me that perhaps Maxim DOES want you for a parent, perhaps he just doesn't want to share you with all the others. Could that be why he resists so?

Kudos to you for your kind and gracious (motherly*) heart: always willing to see the glimpse of rainbow through the clouds.

*whether he wants it to be or not!

Annie said...

Firstly - Stephanie - Thank you for sharing that. It expresses my feelings SO well.

Rachael - I think you are right. He was an "only child" in his last home and a spoiled one, at that. I think he was treated more like a younger brother...plus gifts were lavished on him and not much was expected. Of course it was devastating when that home "blew up" on him when the dad left. Our atmosphere, obviously, is VERY different and he is one of many. I do not think he likes it and he always seems to be working for more attention than everyone else. Part of my problem is that I often allow him to get it - his need is so evident....as in the incident of the track meet earlier this week. I could have been at Nastya's game or Sergei's awards event (he was just getting a "participant" certificate - it was not that big a deal, but still...)

Ginny said...

Whatever the future holds for Maxim, I think you are the perfect person for him right now because you are able to look through the flaws and see his potential. So many people would be unable to do that.

MoscowMom said...

Wow. He is such an incredibly blessed boy to have landed in your home. Your attitude amazes me.

Irina said...

Annie, my dictionary supply allows to express an only one idea: you are a good mother.
Thank you for connection with Natalia :).

Mike and Gail said...

We should chat some time. We have 4 adopted girls. Times can be challenging. God is my strength as well. Everyday is an adventure. :)

gmnealey at yahoo dot come